Reach Out And Touch My Heart
by Kazima Kuwabara
Summary: No one could ever know a love such as mine, no one could love him like I do...I'm so glad that he can't see me...beaten, scorned, tortured, mutilated...r...raped. So glad...that he can't find me locked away...in this darkness... (yaoi)


i own nothing! phweee...  
  
i was wondering when Gandlaf started calling pippin a fool of a took, when exactly did it start....so I wrote this.I don't own anything...I am too tired to think of something funny... oh and my spell check is broken...sorry.  
  
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No one could ever know a love such as mine. Not this love. It isn't wanted by the other, I'm sure, and I don't doubt he'd tell me to leave. That would be too much to bare. To be told to go after I managed to become friends with him.  
  
Love goes beyond, race, color, and sex. It's much deeper than that, or at least it is to me. I sit here, alone and cold and wonder, what words would I use if I was to tell him, that when I closed my eyes, I saw his lips on mine.  
  
Maybe if I was dying I'd say that, because then I could move on without him ever having to answer. To look at me with utter disgust. I would hate to see that ugly emotion in his eyes. I've been here a long time, and it's my own fault.  
  
I rushed off without thinking once again. The others are right when they say I will one day die from my rashness. I wonder, if now is that day.  
  
My dear secret love, I was told you were captured, being tortured at their mercy. No. No it couldn't happen, your eyes closed with pain? Blood trailing down your cheeks? Your clothes ripped and torn from trying to escape? And you....all alone....waiting to be resqued.  
  
Besides the one I love, you are my best friend. Your my everything. Everything I want to be, and everything I thought a hero would be. I took off, not even listening to my friends, warning me this could be a trap.  
  
I should have listened, and in my heart I know if I had to start this incident over, I'd make the same mistake. I'd rather risk my life, than waste time why yours hangs in the balance.  
  
I'm here, because I love you.  
  
I'm here...because if you were here, you would need me.  
  
But your not here.  
  
My friends were right. This was a trick. I sit alone in this room, with no windows, no escape, no color, no light, no hope...I was too rash. The whole thing was a trap, and I was captured.  
  
I've been beaten.  
  
Riduculed.  
  
Scorned.  
  
Tortured.  
  
Mutilated.  
  
R...  
  
raped.  
  
There has been many things done to me, and each time they leave I beg them to tell me if you are here somewhere. They laugh, and tell me I am a fool to worry for you when it is clearly I, who should be scare.  
  
That's a laugh.  
  
I only fear a few things.  
  
Failing the ones I care for. Losing my sister. Killing an innocent person...and...  
  
And losing you.  
  
I don't know how long I've been here, but I have grown different. I am not so 'me' anymore...I am not me. I'm not loud, obliviouse, ruled by my honor, or even innocent and naive...I am empty.  
  
But I remember your face, I clearly see it, though now I'm not sure if I can see at all...all I've seen is black. Am I blind? Even if I am I still see your face, and I hear your words, and laughter.  
  
You'd be shocked to see my crying. Memories of our times together, of having fun brings me to tears. Not because I miss it but because I know I'll never have it again. I'll never see you again.  
  
But I can still lay here and remember the love I've felt growing for you...always...growing in my chest with each passing day. No one can love you like I do, no one will know this type of love. No one has ever dared to love so deeply.  
  
If I die, I pray you never come to know of me here.  
  
Laying on the ground unable to move, beaten and broken, dried seman on my body from my attackers, not a stitch of clothing, starved, weak, covered in my own waste, and compleatly without hope.  
  
Compleatly hopeless.  
  
But I have one thing that allows me to go on, for one day at a time. That you could still be alive, that possiably your not here, trapped somewhere within these stone walls. That maybe...your just doing what you always do. Getting into all sorts of trouble, challanging others, and laughing in your care free way, and remaining the toughest guy I know...  
  
Just those thoughts keep me from begging for water, or food, or cying out when I'm hit or touched. Just those thoughts give me enough strength to ask of you. To ask of your saftey.  
  
No one may know the love I hold for you, but I do. No one else will love you like I do, and if they compared their own feelings with mine, they'd be surprised at just how much one person can love. But the person that chooses to love you and :tells: you, has done more that I could. Even with all the love I hold for you, I doubt I could ever tell you without feeling fear take hold, fear of losing what I already have.  
  
It's grown so cold, and I hear the sounds of footsteps. Time to come out of my happy thoughts, where I pretend I'm talking to someone who is listening patiently. Pretend I'm listening to someone that cares.  
  
DaXm this place! DaXm the demons with their wondering hands, and hot mouths! DamX their rough thrusts, and cruel laughter as I cry out your name, wishing you'd save me. Wishing I could save myself. DamX the beasts with their husky sighes, and satisfies grins as they leave me here...and DamX you...  
  
DamX you, my good faithful audience, for only being in my head.  
  
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A door opened to a dark room, made of stone painted black. Blood, waste, and other things littered the ground. Things to horrific to ever be written on paper. Things that should not even posses a name.  
  
A tall, lean, thin mass of flesh and bone was laying against the wall, face turned away from the door. He was white, and his skin looked lose on his body. He used to be a well toned man whose powerful arms were ready for a fight, now he didn't even look like he could suppurt his own wheight.  
  
He was naked for all to see, and his hair was bright orange, and had grown long, now brushing his shoulders. He'd been in the place for maybe three months now. His only company was the souls who entered this room before him.  
  
The figures in the doorway remained there, and watched as the weak being stirred. "Will...you tell me..." A raspy voice rang out in the thick still air, "if he is here?...Do...you have Yusuke...Urameshi here...please let him go."  
  
"Have you been asking that for all these long months."  
  
The tortured human, froze, "Yes...please tell me...where he is..." The human felt something warm placed around him. A blanket. He was turned gently, his weak bones breaking if they grasped him.  
  
A sunken in face, now sporting a short scraggily beard, looked up at the three who had them. They were beautiful creatures, but the most gorgeuouse one was looking at him with the most painfull gaze he'd ever seen. His eyes spoke beyond agony, and pain. Tears dripped down his face as if they had been made to so for all eternity.  
  
"This must be a dream..." The human croaked closing his eyes refusing to believe who was in front of him.  
  
He turned to look at the other perfect beings that held him, recognizing their faces. One with green eyes, as endless and long as their is night. Red haired soft to the touch, and beautiful in a gentle way. This beautiful being would be all the more attractive if he wasn't crying.  
  
The other had red eyes, that could burn holes into you without even trying. They were dangerouse eyes, and warned of storms and battles to come. But they were no longer wild with hate, but had been tamed by regret, horror, and sorrow. Something the eyes were not used to showing.  
  
"Hiei...Kurama....no...you can't be real..."  
  
Kurama sobbed loudly, "Oh Kuwabara...oh Kuwabara!" his body rocked with the force of his tears. "We're taking you home now, we're taking you home Kuwabara." Hiei's face was screwed up, trying to contain tears that he refused to shed.  
  
Half dead blue eyes shifted towards the one holding him so carefully. "Oh God...Kuwa..." The figure sobbed. Tears fell out of blues eyes, "It can't be you...Yusuke....it can't be..."  
  
A hand came to the tortured human's cheek. The thumb stroked the skin gently, and rubbed away every tear that threatened to spill out his eyes. The tumb timidly stroked the cracked lips on the face to be soon replaced by gentle lips, tickling lashes dancin gon the human's cheeks.  
  
The kisses were desperate, yet filled with love, and the figure sobbed, "Oh Kuwabara...Kuwabara!" The human placed his arms around his love and sobbed, "No...your not real...this is all in my head..." He sobbed again, knowing the instant he believed this was real, he'd wake up to find himself dreaming.  
  
"Kuwabara, I'm here! I'M HERE, OH KUWABARA! WHY YOU, WHY COULDN'T THEY HAVE GOTTON ME! KUW...KUWA...KUWA..." Yusuke half screamed half sobbed, begging fate for answers.  
  
He kissed Kuwabara hungrilly, and whispered 'I love yous' over and over. Kuwabara responded, but always added that this was only in his head, no matter how wonderful it all felt. "Kuwabara...I'm here...I'm here...." Yusuke held the sobbing man, and whispered in his ear, "You'll never know how deep my love for you goes...I'll find away to give you the strebgth to come back. The strength to come back to me...I'll find a way to let you know just how much I love you, helo you reach out and touch it so that you can find your strength."  
  
As the dark haired man sobbed over the blood, bruises, and dried seman on Kuwabara's body, and vowing to bring Kuwabara back to reality, he hadn't relaized his words had already brought him back.  
  
With love, going deeper than anything, deeper than anyone has ever felt, all one needs to do to return hapiness back to your lover, is reach out and place take their hands. Take their hands and help them touch your heart. When love is lost, use your love to guide them home.  
  
fin---my spell check is broken if you haven't read the above note...  
  
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